Dr. Tony Attwood Discusses Unique Qualities of Females on the Autism Spectrum

Dr. Tony Attwood Discusses Unique Qualities of Females on the Autism Spectrum

Excellent interview!

Sick

It's that time of year again!  Everyone in my home is catching bugs left, and right.  We're all now recovering from strep, and some flu virus.  Though, I think it's quite possible that I'm just now coming down with flu.  I had strep, and am doing okay with that now, thanks to antibiotics!

There's something that I noticed while I was sick, though.  Something so important, yet so simple that I can't believe that I never figured it out before.  People on the spectrum often have a hyper, and a hypo sensitivity to outside sensations, as well as those from within the body.  I'm no excpetion.  I am usually quite sick before I can actually tell that I am.  I'm unaware of how I am feeling physically quite often. 

However, I noticed a pattern that's been playing out my entire life this time when I was sick.  Suddenly, I felt very melancholoy, and out of sorts.  I couldn't put my finger on why, or what.  Just that I felt sad, and frustrated. This carried on for 3 or 4 days, until I realized that I was quite sick, and went to the doctor.  The physical illness was manifesting as a feeling of mild depression.  I didn't feel all that physically bad.  I just felt mentally run down, and blue.  I realized that this has actually happened quite often.  I think most people do get moody when they feel sick, but this is different.  This is more than just a little moody, and without the realization that I am physically ill.  Now, I know that the next time I am feeling moody out of nowhere, that I may need to stop, and do an inventory on how I am physically feeling to rule out physical maladies. 

More About Depression

I said that I'd try to continue to discuss the topic of depression.  I've got a few more thoughts on the subject, that even if no one else reads them, or cares, it will probably help me to write it all out, because I can feel myself slipping into melancholy once again.

I have been working on feeling when depression is coming.  Noticing the signs, and symptoms, and trying to do something about it before it catches me by surprise again.  In doing this, I've noticed a few of my own patterns.  Firstly, I begin to spend way too much time on-line.  Sometimes, it's posting/browsing forums, other times it's randomly looking up stuff, or even playing on-line games.  I have wondered if this is a contributing factor to depression, or just a symptom.  I think it's a symptom, but I'm not entirely sure.  Then, I will enivitably start thinking that the people in other forums don't like me.  I'm not entirely sure this isn't true, however, I would imagine it's more about how I feel about myself, and my own feelings that I'm projecting than what's really happening.  This 'everybody hates me' mind set is not new.  I've felt this way for years.  It's just not in the forefront of my mind most of the time for me to take notice.  It seems that only when I start feeling depressed these thoughts creep in, and multiply.  This may lead to me hiding away from everyone, in real life, and on-line.  If I get to feeling bad enough, I will actually delete my accounts at forums, and social networks.  I may not even tell anyone that I'm going to do it.  If WP allowed me to delete my account, I'd done so many times over.  I think that I feel the most alienated on there then anywhere.  Don't ask me why I keep going back. 

I will also notice that my thoughts shift toward being negative.  I dwell on past events that were painful.  I tend to just think in a negative pattern period. 

I know that by exibiting some of these patterns lately that I'm slipping into depression again.  I may not be able to get rid of it completely, but I can change a few habits around to ease it up a little.  I know that if I try to keep myself busy with productive things that my mind will have less time to sit on idle.  So, that's what I'm going to plan to do.